This is the long version of a 3 minute slam poem.  It sounds better spoken, I swear.

God Didn’t Answer

My mother told me I could talk to God
but God didn’t answer.

The preacher said God would listen if I prayed.
So I clapped my hands together expecting a
Great light shine down upon me like a
heavenly light bulb.
Clap on! God! Clap on!
(God must be broken)

So I chatted with God about my day, expecting Him
to take some interest in my prepubescent love life,
and I ranted to God about the
state of the union of my parents,
I raved to God about the sexist jokes
boys would crack in class
and I yelled to God that I hate my bff cause she
totally kissed Joey even though she totally knew that I liked him,
and I chatted and I ranted and I raved and I yelled
and then I totally
bitched out
God.

God,
I said,
If you made us all in your own image,
Then how come I’m the only girl in the locker room
who doesn’t need a training bra? Did I seriously inherit
your buck teeth your bandy legs your flat chest that dooms
men to see me as “just friends?”
Are you jealous God, is that why?
Do men only want to be “just friends” with you too?

Then I met a man who said he could teach me how to talk to God.
Acid, he claimed, is a spiritual experience,
so take this sugar cube baby and let God inside you.
I felt a revelation! I could talk to anything!
I talked to my dog and my dog talked back.
A glass of orange juice squeaked when I tried to drink it.
The laundry hamper opened its wide mouth to spit out profanity and
weeks’ worth of sweaty socks.
Then I did it! I talked to God!
And God just sat there.
And I was like, “oh my god, God,
Now that is just fucking rude”
And Buddha was like
“woaah, she’s trippin’ balls!”

I called out to God,
God, please don’t let this baby bird die!
I didn’t mean for him to fall out of the tree.
But God didn’t answer.
God just quietly took the bird
out of my hands.

I interrogated God about the vague and ambiguous
biblical passages on love and sex. Exasperated, I cried out to God,
God! I don’t get it! Is sex holy or a sin or both? I’m in love, God
and didn’t you say that sex is an act of love? Does being a lover doom
me to be a sinner as well?
But God didn’t answer.
So I didn’t talk to God for a whole month until one night
I whispered to God
I whispered God, please don’t let me be pregnant.
And I was unusually angry this time that God didn’t answer,
because I really wanted a quick answer
and it turned out, I was just PMSing, but still.

I try to show you I’m good God,
I always put a dollar in the donation tin,
hardly get parking tickets,
and sometimes I even recycle .
But God must not have noticed.

I told a joke but God didn’t laugh.
I gave a speech, and God didn’t clap.
I made a racial slur and God didn’t scold me.
So I cheated, I lied, I used your name in vain
all the time, never went to church again,
told everyone I have shunned you Christian God
and am now a proud and practicing Wiccan.
But you didn’t smite me down.
What does it take to get a little retribution down here?
If I kill a man will you finally send down a lightning bolt
like a slap on the ass, point a holy finger in my sinful face and say
“bad human!”

God, until you answer me I’m not going to eat. I’m anorexic God,
I’ve lost 23 pounds in three weeks, haven’t you noticed that
none of my clothes fit anymore? I’m going to go on a binge God,
a drug and alcohol binge until you tell me to stop,
so you better start talking quick.
And God,
I am going to sit on the floor just like this and I’m gonna hold
my breath until I die
I’m gonna do it, I’m gonna do it,
I swear to G-
I swear to you,
if you don’t start talking I’m not gonna breathe.
And I held my breath and I held my breath
my hands were shaking and my knees were too
my head was spinning and my lips turned blue,
but I kept on holding my breath
and God
still
didn’t
answer,

But He didn’t let me die either.

I sang to God in case He’s musically inclined,
Wrote a letter in Braille in case He’s blind,
On the off chance that God is deaf I learned to pray in sign
Or maybe He’s just hard of hearing
So I scream at God, I screamed, I’m still screaming!
And God doesn’t answer, but I’m still screaming.